Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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