Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
