It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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