thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
