the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
