I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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