I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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