His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
