You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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