you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize