I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
