that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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