3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
