Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
