Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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