So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
