Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
