Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
