I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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