i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
All the doctor said was why
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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