I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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