I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
