we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
