When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
