please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
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