i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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