I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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