How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
