Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
