I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
