U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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