it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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