just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
