Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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