HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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