I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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