You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
