I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
