Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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