Kareoke will never be a sober sport
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
