you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
