You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
