Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
