Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
