it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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