just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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