she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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