Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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