I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you win again, gameday.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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