You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
