Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
two words...techno handjob
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
