Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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