I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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