You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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