i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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