He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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