Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
