I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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