Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
