Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
