Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
