something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
