Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
