You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
